When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
