you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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