whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
