I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wear drunk well.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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