I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
