tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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