I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
