i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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