it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
