i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I came so hard my ears popped.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
