Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
