So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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