I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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