I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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