This is not my ceiling
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
