Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
