Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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