I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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