chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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