cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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