he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
