you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
