he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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