12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
