remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
