You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
