I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
