Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
