i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
