The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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