Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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