I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
