Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We talked him into tasing himself.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
