Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
