I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
