Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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