I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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