I only kidnapped one of them. chill
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
