shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Actions speak louder than pants.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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