fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
