just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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