remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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