who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
