saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
