i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
