Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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