Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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