We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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