I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize