i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
