my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
