I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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