I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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