Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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